Days of Petanque: Calendar

Date: January 19, 2020 at 10:04:52 AM PST

In the beginning (Monday) God made light. Really bright. And hot. Hotter than Kevin's Hot Crab Dip. (The crabs came later. So did Kevin) Why? Because he was tired wandering around bumping into all that nothingness.

Then (on Tuesday) He made the Heaven and Earth. Because all those angels needed a place to hang out When they weren't doing God's will.

Then (on Wednesday) He made the Earth because He needed something to put on His to-do list. He had the angels plant a whole lot of trees and grass to give them something to do. We all know that idle hands are the devils workshop.

Then (on Thursday) He made the oceans and whales and rivers and salmon (those were for Kevin) and crabs (those were for Wolfie) and clouds (because all those trees needed water) and fog (just to make driving in it a pain in the fanny).

Then (on Friday) He made the beasts of the Earth. He started small with mosquitoes and ticks and spiders but eventually worked his way up to sabertooth tigers and mastodons. Then He decided "What the Hell, lets get creative" and made crazy things like duck-billed platypus and kangaroos and hedgehogs.

Then (on Saturday) He made Dave and Dani. And gave them dominion over all the creepy things and told Dave to stop smoking if they were going to get busy and be fruitful.

Then (on Sunday) God saw everything he made, and behold, it was good (except for the mosquitoes and ticks, but what's done is done, so deal with it). Then He and the angels went down to the park to play a few ends of petanque. He couldn't stay long because He was going to Dani's baby shower that evening. You can image how stoked Dave and Dani were. Freaking God was coming to their baby shower. What gift might he bring them? Maybe the world's first My Little Pony, but you know, alive. And maybe he'd consent to being their godfather.

P.S. Author's note: The Adam and Eve names were a mistranslation form the original Piglatin to English.