Days sans Petanque: Movers and Shakers

BREAKING: We've just spotted a pair of movers and shakers from Kickstarter Labs. The developers have managed to capture wild gnomes from the bamboozle forests in Woohoo, China, and using unsanctioned genomics techniques, gene splice the creatures into living salt and pepper shakers that respond to verbal commands to spice your dish. First editions require a battery operated language controller (not included) to listen to your voice and relay your instructions to the gnomes in Gnomic dialect. The shakers will then proceed to your plate and using their head-mounted dispensers, shake the appropriate amount of spice onto your dish. They will even taste it for you to insure the proper balance of white pepper corn from Shrieke Lanka and black salt from the mines in Depression, Nomada. 

Small game hunters, Ed and Pete, tell us that this is just the beginning of the next small thing. There are rumors of self-tasting Gkristainia wine glasses that will insure your beverage is at its peak. They are working on the stinky shoe finish problem. Stay tuned. 

There is also the problem of the occasional Pat Grabber disrupter bug infesting some shipments that arrive via the french connection. Advanced fumigation at ports of entry should eliminate the pest.



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I often wonder, in a catfight, when one doesn't want to fight, if the other cat calls it a pussy. ― Anthony Liccione

He worked with great intensity without sparing himself, and he was respected for this, but no one liked him" —Crime and Punishment"― Dostoievsky

Kooplieden zijn nergens thuis, maar toch overal welkom, omdat ze welvaart brengen. Als ergens de pest heerst, zoals vorig jaar in Savoye, vermijden ze de stad, en zonder hen staat alles stil. Ze kunnen geen zijde meer brengen uit Lucca, geen wijn meer uit Bordeaux, en de Genuezen kunnen geen leningen meer verstrekken. Niemand koopt nog iets, het geld wordt opgepot en de prijzen rijzen de pan uit. Alsof je de levensader van de stad afsnijdt. Ja, word jij maar koopman. ― Amineh Pakravan, De boekhandelaar van Amsterdam***

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When one doesn't even bother to unsubscribe, you know your time has past.

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*** Translation from Dutch: Merchants are nowhere at home, but welcome everywhere, because they bring prosperity. When plague reigns, like last year in Savoy, they avoid the city, and without them, everything stops. They can no longer bring silk from Lucca, no more wine from Bordeaux, and the Genoese can no longer provide loans. Nobody buys anything anymore, the money is hoarded and the prices skyrocket. As if you cut off the lifeblood of the city. Yes, you become a merchant.